Relationships and Support

Hello!

Today you’re going to consider the positive relationships and boundaries you need in your life because relationships have a HUGE impact on your wellness and recovery.

You’re going to look at how you need to be surrounded by supportive people and what boundaries you need to have in place to ensure you can prioritise your health, at all times.

 So, let’s start! 

As the saying goes ‘you win some you lose some’ well, when you're going through your health trial you may lose some relationships, for a while at least, but the good news is you may gain some too and these can even work out to be some of the most fun and long-term friendships.

Some people will be by your side supporting you every step of the way checking up on you asking if there's anything you need and you know they mean it and they are there for you at the drop of a hat.

Others may go MIA...they won't pick up the phone they won't check on you and they won’t seem to worry whatsoever about how you’re doing which can be disappointing.

If this resonates with you, then I hope what I've learned will help you too.

Which is this...it's not you, it's them.

Yes I'll say it again it's not you, it's them.  

I think there can be a few reasons for this; one is that they may only know you in one particular environment like having dinner and drinks which they can continue with, but you can’t and that was always their main focus.

Another reason maybe that they don't know how to handle your news and your situation and the changes you face so by saying and doing nothing they have no need to dig into upsetting, painful or awkward conversations that they might be unable to deal with themselves.

Also, they might have things going on in their own life you are not aware of and it could be something that causes them to have more to handle that they just don't have the capacity for.

Finally maybe they are just a little self-centered and either way, if the people you expected to be there for you in terms of family and friends are not then clearly it's not you, it's them...for whatever reason (likely one of the above!)

I know it's great when we do have people by our side, but it does hurt that some people might not be and it makes us question 'what have I done?'

So, what do I do, you might ask?  

Well, I believe it’s best to focus on the positives and not the negatives in times like this because you need to live a life as stress-free as possible.

Entering into conversations with these people might cause disagreements which could be more painful for you.  If you have a really honest and open approach in your friendships you could of course ask them, and I hope you'll be pleasantly surprised with their response.

The choice is yours and you should follow your own instincts, but I want you to avoid any further stress.

From my experience I’ve learned that focussing on the positive relationships that exist and also seem to appear in these times is essential to your wellness and recovery, and so my recommendation is you cherish and build your relationships with these people.  They are often very nourishing and caring people who may have also gone through something similar and therefore understand the support you need and can give it willingly.

In-line with this, I’ve learned less supportive relationships are detrimental to wellness and recovery and therefore it’s wise to limit time with these people and try to accept the loss or lack of interest, knowing it's not you, it's them, for whatever reason.  

Remember too that people aren’t perfect and it might not be permanent, so try not to dwell on it and look at who you’re gaining instead, and keep focusing on your healing, that’s most important for now. 

Also, you can make choices too and you can choose to surround yourself with people who bring you joy rather than people who drain you...relationships are huge factor for your wellness and you must define your boundaries which are crucial for your recovery.   

Keep joy in your mind at all times at you won't go far wrong!

Now boundaries...that's a word that fills most people with dread initially right? 

However, if you recognise your boundaries help everyone when you prioritise what you do and don't want it becomes easier to live your life by them and others will learn to respect this even if it takes some time for adjustment.

Some examples from my experience are changes in how long I can spend with people, what time I have to leave to get to bed, what times I need to eat and saying no to some events that are too loud and no to alcohol.

So how does a person put boundaries in place?

You can state boundaries clearly by simply saying ‘I must go’, or ‘I need to eat now’ or ‘I have to rest’.  

Yes, it can feel strange or awkward at first I know!

But...when you maintain your boundaries and repeat them they are not only becoming a daily discipline or a new routine for the life you are redesigning for yourself, but also your friends and family will see clearly how you are choosing to live and they will honour that. If it takes a while, just keep repeating it.

So to recap, engage with people who are positive, supportive, like-minded and have your wellbeing at heart.  Ask yourself...

Who are you going to make more time for?

What activities can you plan together and add into your schedule?

Also, remember you can step back from relationships temporarily... simply by stepping back quietly and the right people will step forward into your life. When you resume relationships that you’ve stepped back from you will be stronger.  Those people will probably re-enter your life, but they will most likely meet a stronger version of you who can say no without feeling guilty.

 I hope you now see the benefits of prioritising your positive relationships as well as putting boundaries in place and letting go of the rest.  

Here’s your own coaching questions and social planner

Enjoy your new and improved relationships and have a joy filled week! 

Lucy x